“Eighty percent of women have self-deprecating thoughts about themselves (body image, job performance, other people’s opinion of them, etc.) throughout the day.” – Statistic found in the book The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod
Here I am again, alone to face my inner dialogue. You know…that tiny voice inside your head that tells you that you are worthless, a failure, and not good at anything.
I blame my recent job loss for the voices coming back. It’s probably going to take a little bit of time to push out the dialogue, but that doesn’t mean it will do any less damage to my ego in the meantime.
In my childhood, it was deeply ingrained into me that going to school and getting a good education would lead to a career. Naturally, I felt as though I succeeded when I completed college, only to have my dreams squashed when my resume was over looked my many.
The best way I can describe how it feels is to relate it to being picked last for a team sport. Or how it must feel to flunk a test (I never did. I was an honor graduate.) No matter how well prepared, I was never chosen.
I want to make a difference in this world and while I love my children to death, just being a homemaker is not my dream. And I believe the dreams I have were not put there by mistake or coincidence. My director, Tina, likes to remind us that if there’s a dream in your heart, God put it there and because He put it there, He will help see it to fruition.
And I believe her.
Except, that little voice inside my head doesn’t want to give up control and it doesn’t want me to full-fill my dreams and live up to my God given potential. On a regular basis, that voice reminds me that I have failed before, time and time again. However, I have to remind myself that so did every other successful person on this planet!! Without failure, there would be no success and I’d rather say I failed than to regret not having tried.
There is Hope
I’m reading an eye-opening book that I feel will help me combat my fear of failure and it mentioned something startling. It pointed out that 95% of us settle and don’t push ourselves to reach our dreams and true desires. Ninety-five percent!! That’s a lot of people giving up on their dreams, which probably means I’ll run into many more people who are unhappy with their life than people who are oozing happiness. It basically means that how I’ve felt is normal or average.
I’m Done with Average
To protect myself from people who will try to convince me that it’s okay for me to settle and just find another job (that won’t pay enough and won’t give me the flexibility for caring for my kids), I’ve decided to put blinders on. I must have a clear focus on what I want so that I can do whatever needs to be done to get there! Otherwise, the voices in my head will win and tell me that I’m a failure.
I Know I’m Not a Failure
I was born for greatest. The Lord said so and He said I will do great things and that I will! The world may not have chosen me, but God chose me and He put a dream in my heart, a vision of greatness, and a purpose to help and motivate others. I refuse to allow my mind to brainwash me into believing otherwise! I refuse to let society tell me to conform and be satisfied with mediocrity! I will overcome and I will succeed so that when I meet my Father, I can proudly tell him that we did it together!
What fears are holding you back from living your best life?